It has been a busy year -- but suddenly i feel restless-- and if I know myself-- it can never be good, this restlessness-- it always leads to trouble-- dissatisfaction- the where am I headed, question. Major upheavals in life have resulted from this. I feel trapped -- trapped in what, I don't know. All the chains are of my own making and all of them readily worn... I have shed entanglements to stay this way.. but a new chain is wearing me down.. part of me tells me this is what it is to be grown up -- but somehow-- it irks me.
commitment phobia was alien to me -- I committed, with joy and it scratched my soul to bits -- I must have been seeking something, I tell myself. The tattered soul convinced me that whatever I needed was mine to give-- mine to allow-- and then I stopped.
this latest act of commitment seems unnatural -- it is weighing me down --
there is a fight within -- will i stay or will i leave?
time will tell i guess.
1 comment:
I did a course once in which, contrary to popular belief, they criticized all winning formulas! The idea was that based on our experiences we make formulas that we think will help us win. But it is these formulas that constrain us severely, often, without our knowing, in different situations. This philosophy is an extreme form of being 'baggage free' where each experience is a new experience and requires one to think fresh on one's behavior in the circumstance, and not following a formula that we have created in the past.
I don't know if I am making sense! But the gist is that once one is over past experiences one might be able to make a more balanced decision given the current situation.
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