Another Thursday Morning

Hey!
Hey yourself, how have you been!
Good, which floor?
Four. It's been crazy busy.
Yeah, I checked in the watson stuff last friday. 30,000 crashes in one bucket...
Wow!
Yeah, all because a of missing curly brace in a format string.
OMG... really?
uh-huh.
It was not until I was in my office and was checking my email that I realized what a supremely geeky conversation I had in the elevator. And I didn't think anything of it. Yuck... I have become such a nerd.

The 'in' thing

Tis summer now and most days I get to see more flesh than I can shake a dynaband at.
I am amazed, at what I see around me. Women all ages, shapes and sizes in low rise pants and clingy shortie tubes, halters and sphagetti straps.
There was a time when only the most stick figure of figures would dare to wear the bum-huggers-midriff-baring-stitched-with-you-inside outfits, while the rest of mere mortals would look upon them and sigh.
It can only be a rise in the feministic element, the cry "real women have curves"... which leads to the rise in the number of women I see baring their curves. The feminist in me rejoices at increase in the body image of the average girl that makes her get out of the house in such an outfit...
Or is it just the blind following of the "in" God? The cynic in me asks. Has the body image factor really gone up? Is the number of girls that are secretly bulimic and anorexic become any lower? Statistics do not support my theory. Obesity is at an all time high ... the teen models are unhealthily skinnier than ever... Why this masochistic fashion trend then?
On an average the low-slung hip huggers and the clingy tops are far more flattering than the tied at your rib-cage Katherine Hepburn pants which had no shape to speak off... or the careless-stressed sweatshirts which sat on you like a gunny sack and made you look like an out of shape football player.
The aesthetic in me cringes when I see girls in the too tight-translucent-skinny fit shirts exposing a pudgy midriff. Low sluggers are more flattering but how low should we go? A less than 7 inch rise leads to exposure that is only flattering to you if your BMI is less than 15 (or if you are Jessica Simpson).

So do you stay at home if the ‘in’ thing is something that you cannot possibly look good in? Or do you starve yourself to bits to look what the models on the runways and the girls on billboard look like... Oh wait half the population is already attempting this.
What do you fight then to create a sense of style that works for you without making you feel bad about yourself? Can we change what the fashion trendsetter decide is the 'in' thing? Probably not, but we can change how blindly we follow it…
I guess the pendulum has to swing all the way to the other end before it centers again.
Till then, I reserve the right to cringe every time a I see a peep thru g-string cutting fat into unflattering islands and every time a woman bends down to pick something she dropped on the floor.

Up, Down and Out

In management jargon, you manage up, down and out --

Managing Down- meaning you manage your team their expectations, their goals and results. This is easy to me. You are in charge and you are ultimately responsible for the results, but you divide the tasks... everyone does their piece; you teach, coax, dictate and manage. Your first priority is the business needs and second priority your people and their well being. They switch sometimes; longer term, happy satisfied employees make for success. Done.

Managing Out- meaning manage your peers, communicate with them, lean on them, have them lean on you... You are equals, partners. You vent, you crib, ask for advice and generally work together leveraging the best in each other. This is easy. Done.

Managing Up- This is about outlining your expectations, aligning your priorities with your manage(ment). Giving them realistic and timely feedback, keeping them informed about the obstacles that come your way. Ask for advice and support.
This is where it starts getting fucked up. You are responsible for your team and you are at par with your peers but where do you stand with your manager? Your manager is your boss, he judges you. He is the one, who awards you promotions and bonuses.

There is a slight tension in the roles of mentor and manager. I expect to be able to go up to my mentor and blurt out all my shortcomings and failures and ask for help and advice. But I would never do that to my boss, would I? But how will I learn, if I do not admit what it is that I am having difficulty with? It is kinda like my (now) relationship with my parents. I am grownup who manages a fairly successful life on her own, but when it comes to my parents, I become a truculent 16 year old. Unreasonable, stubborn. I know how to cajole and reason, but I will not do that with them. I want them to be the grownups ( so that I can be the kid).
I have been lucky to have had really good managers earlier in my career, where I could lay down all my faults and have them help me triage and figure out plan of action, recognize my strengths and weaknesses and help me leverage one and overcome the other. As I climb up the corporate ladder I have to 'manage' my own career and laying out of faults is not allowed. I cannot ask questions without having a plan of action. I can ask for approval but not for a solution... or can I?

I have been puzzling the conundrum for a while now. Sometimes, I get a peek at a workable solution. Learning to balance; just like I have learnt to balance micro-managing and being hands-off with my reports. I need to recognize the issues where I need more coaching and areas where I can be on my own. Present a balanced picture, keep in touch, teach my manager how to help me and stop thinking of him as an omniscient - omnipotent being, leverage his strengths... almost a partner in a way.

Some days I get it and other days the kid in me throws a tantrum...I think I am getting there. One step at a time. There is a lot more to experience. That is why it takes time :)

Another friday morning

It is a glorious friday morning.
I live in one of the satellite cities of Seattle, one on the less hip 'east-side'. I work in a local software company and my daily commute is about 20-25 mins (yes, I paid big bucks to live this close to work!). On my daily commute I drive alongside a golf course, and even see the (in)famous Mt Rainer on the horizon if the day is clear.
Today while I was driving along the verdant golf course and wondering( read envying) about the people who have the time to 'golf', a golf ball hit our car. Me and Uma were woken out of our complacent rumination ( it was bagel and cream chesse today). As the little while ball bounced of the hood of the car, to the sound track of "I am nut" we were giggling, helplessly....

Good morning!

Self-deception

You can't focus on the results because you are focused on yourself.
My self-justifying image about being learned is the very thing that keeps me from learning.

We are so afraid of censure and inadequacy that the only way to feel better is to blame others and make them less. We put ourselves in a box so that we can feel righteous, secure even. If the other person is wrong, we are right. We give in, we cope, we apologize... even though we are busy, on the inside, hating and blaming others.

I have done it often. And, everytime I feel inadequate, I do it again. Enter my box, deceive myself to cover up for some fault of my own. The problem is it doesn't make me feel better, it makes others feel worse and my temporary self-righteousness fades and my faults come back and smack me, right in the face.

Leadership and Self Deception - getting out of the box
The Arbinger Institute
http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadershop/5094-9.html

Shortcut to the top

In this 'jet age' where taking two steps at a time to get to the next level is the measure of success, this article seems like my mom's stern voice telling me "there are no shortcuts to success". Jokes apart, I do believe that there is something to it.
“Leaders are mostly made, not born.They are made by being put into challenging jobs that require them to earn followers in order to perform. Leadership is a performing art, just like diving or singing, and the instrument is you. It takes lots of practice and it takes considerable self-knowledge and self-management.”

The long and short of it is "experience". The much hated word. The word I despised when I was a young twenty something full of vim and vigor, ready to melt mountains. I think I had it in me to do it then. The operative word being 'me'. There is a world of difference between doing something yourself and teaching and motivating and inspiring a team of people to buy into your vision and do it. And that, as cliched as it sounds, needs one to slow down, reflect, learn, and grow, and become a leader.

The image that comes to mind when one thinks of a leader is a swashbuckling knight, up on a white horse --charismatic, larger than life, with impossible to emulate qualities. Real leaders who have inspired me to put in impossible hours and do crazy amounts of work have been much different. "these leaders were individuals who blend 'extreme personal humility with intense professional will.' Although fearless, they were also modest and shy, motivating others with inspired standards rather than inspiring charisma. "

It is sometimes a jolt to the system, when you really get it, because with the getting of it comes the realization that there is so much more that you need to get. With every mountain you cross the series of mountains ahead of you becomes clearer and slowly the brain understands and accepts that it is about how you cross the mountains and not how fast you cross them. Or maybe it is just what I have learnt and there are others who have found their pot of gold at the end of the mountain by jumping three levels ( or was it the end of the rainbow). And maybe, all of us have our own journey and getting it is about the currency that we value.

Read the entire article here: http://www.gsb.stanford.edu/news/research/lead_responsibilities.shtml

Moms

As told by children from 2 grade ( thanks gail:))

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Get Married ? Why?

• I went to school, got a degree, then I got a job, this is what I am supposed to do next, right?
• My parents expect me to get married.
• I can't do everything myself.
• I want to have my own home.
• I want to have childern.
• I want to take care of someone.
• I want someone to take care of me.
• I don't want to come home to an empty house.
• This way someone will be obliged to have sex with me when I am ugly,old and fat.
• I don't want people to think I am queer.
• I got (her) knocked up.
• I love them, this way they won't go away when we fight, atleast not that easily.
• I can't imagine living without him/her.
• I am afraid of dying alone.
• I am bored.
• I am sick of the merry-go-round.
• I met the 'One'.
• I get to have a great big wedding.
• I am getting older.
• i don't want to die a virgin.
• I want to settle down.
• I love him/her.
• I am lonely.
• Need to keep the family line going.
• I want to have someone to have and to hold.
  
  The many reasons I have heard over the past 20 years from people on why get married.
  

Memories

Mem’ries,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?
The way we were...

Two Girls

A little under six years ago, I went to my doc for the 20 week ultrasound. I was sure the kicker in my tum was a wanna be soccer player and was already bent upon kicking his mom's butt. But then the lady at the exam smiled "it is a girl!". I didn't think much of it at the time, the only feeling can remember is relief... I didn't get men, there was no way, I could raise one.
Over the years i have dared to dream, a little bit. About what mom and daughter could do ...the girlie stuff. I see a young lady whoes favourite colors are pink and purple. She is affectionate and kind, she hides her face when ever people raise their voices in the TV. She loves to talk. She has a ton of little kids who she feeds, dresses, talks and puts to bed ( and does not perform surgery upon) .

And today, we went to a nails shop and got a pedicure. We walked in, picked out our colors. Uma picked out a sugar pink and I picked out a pink too, in her honor. We sat as the girls trimmed the cuticles, massaged the feet and put on the nail color. I turned to look at her about a hundred times in the 20 min interval, while she sat there chatting with the girl who was doing her nails, talking about her school, her favourite color and what kind of flowers she wanted on the big toe.
Then the two girls dried their nails, exchanged notes, put their shades back on and walked out to the car... ready to tackle the summer with open toed sandals and pink toes!

The Rising

Mangal Pandey
Kyon kaptan sahib... Kaale aadmi paar jor ajmayenge?

Unlike the last time, when I was waiting for my new CD love, this time I chanced upon it. I was in the local Indian store, attempting to locate the latest PC DVD, when I saw the red orange cover. Aamir Khan! Haven’t seen anything by him for a while, and then AR Rahman, my second favorite, ofcourse, I had to buy it. It took me a little bit of time to give it my full attention, but after what seems like a long time I am love with ARR music, again.
He is a master arranger, always think of him as an arranger than music maker, he overlays so many themes, weaving, interlacing and suddenly, when you least expect it, one of the themes takes over. It takes me many listenings to identify the various parallel threads. It is complex and it grows on you. My favorites move around the CD, resting atleast once on each of the numbers. His last release (Bose) was a disappointment, maybe it was the shriek-y bangla rendition of my favorite lullaby or the 'aklaa chollo re...' sung by Sonu Nigam but, I felt saddened.
Joy of joys there is no Sonu Nigam or Alka Yagnik this time. There is Kailash Kher though. I was enchanted by his voice when I heard the qawali by him in Dev.
ARR has done something I used to associate with him in his earlier days. He uses the right voice in the right way in the right place. With recent constants like Mr Nigam and mango face I had started believing that he had lost his knack for locating and using the right vocals. This time around, he surpassed himself, tons of new voices! All in the right place!

So lets start...
Mangal Mangal
Kailash Kher, Nagada and Khadtal.
There is a hindi proverb about a liar singing from his throat, a hungry man singing from his gut and a believer singing from his soul. Kher sings from his gut, something very hungry about his voice. Reminds me of the street urchins singing in the Delhi buses (two pieces of flattened stone clanging against each other for the beat). The song features, thrice in the CD, twice sung by Kher and once a duo by him and Sukhvinder Singh.
The song is a little different each time, probably features in different parts of the movie and somehow ties it together. Lovely renditions, I wouldn't have minded having it on the cd a couple more times :).

Main Vari Vari
Haven’t heard Kavita Krishnamurthy in a while, she is still as shrill and note perfect as can be. Reena Bharadwaj adds a nice balance to the KK voice. Tabla, ghungroo and sarangi mark the ‘mujra’. But the pace changes unexpectedly, I can almost visualize the abrupt ending of the song. ARR claims this to be the most difficult song for him in the entire album, I can almost see why.

Holi Re
By the time I came to this number, I had to go check the lyricist. None other than Javed Akhtar( of the Salim-Javed fame). Reminiscent of Kabir and Rahim in places ( if I might be so bold ). A great mixture of khadi boli, awadhi and urdu. Very period appropriate. And very well written. It is far and away from the fancy words and the vivid imagery of Gulzar, economical and prudent use of simple words. Definitely Bharat Vyas-ish.

Aamir Khan could almost be Mahipal (from Navrang) in his rendition of the initial part. Only ARR can make Udit Narayan sing like this. There is Madhushree, Srinivas and Chinmay too. Very bhraj bhumi. Somehow, ARR always does this. He takes something like a holi number and manages to go against the ingrained sound for the ‘genre’, which in this case is Amitabh Bachan sound-like and does something that is beautiful and still sounds just right. Just like he did with ‘mera rang de basanti chola’ I never thought someone could make me forget the original tune; but he did.


Rasiya
Richa Sharma, a singer who tries to make up with attitude what she lacks in aptitude for singing and a relatively unknown voice, Bonnie Chakraborty. Amazing. Bonnie is the real winner. She sings in the lower octave, usually better suited to male voices and hardly ever dared by female singers. Richa and Bonnie provide a perfect contrast as far as vocals are concerned. The words are beautiful, Richa’s attitude comes in very handy uttering words like ‘Challia’, ‘Rasiya’. The quaint mix of hindu and muslim influences that go by the name of ‘hindustani classical’. The backdrop of the beat and the chorus adds extended character if you will. A single twinkling anklet in the last few lines. Wonderful.

Takey Takey.
Sukhvinder Singh, Kher and Kartick Das Baul. A market place song with a chorus of kids. Hyper paced, with a soul. I heard a rooster crow in the song. It changes beat when you least expect it.
Starts with the snake charmer’s Been. The verbal gymnastics are beautifully rendered. Very nice, most definitely my favorite song so far.

Al Maddaath Maula
Ofcourse, there has to be an ARR sung song, but it seems the guy is learning about the limitations of his singing abilities. His voice is relegated to adding a dimension to the song and not something in the forefront. A lesser known type of sufi devotional music. Not the ‘regular qawali’. This is something that reminds me of a dargah in Lucknow…very sufi and very nice.


The music brings nostalgia …paints a picture of the age all of us read about in our history books, the mutiny of 1857. The hindu-muslim confluence to the patriotic beat is unmistakable. Very different from the pure Punjabi bhagat singh, just as patriotic nevertheless. The walk of Mangal Pandey to the gallows is just as moving as one in Bharat Singh. I think the movie is going to be nice. I hope it is going to be nice, last time I went gaga over a music album ... the movie almost broke my heart. This time it is Ketan Mehta ( not Amol Palekar) and Aamir Khan( and not SRK). There is hope; yet.