Closure

what is it about things that makes us wants to paint things in clear black and white, even though a side of us knows about the grayscale-ness of the palette that paints this world and the people in it? The things I talk about is people and all situations with people in them are cloudy.
They say an unexamined life is not worth living; so, most of us thinking beings go to murky places and people in our minds; to wander through misty landscapes to see clearly and alas, pigeonhole; something we euphemistically call 'learning from our past'.
Let me take you though one such journey ....

Why did he do that and why did I let him?

the proponents of Lean Software Development say that every time you attempt root cause analysis ( RCA), you ask ‘why’ five times . So, here goes:

Why did he do it?
It was in his interest to act this way.

Why?
this way he could have his cake and eat it too.

Why?
Because he did not want to choose(lose).

Why?
because choosing would make him lose either the cake or the eating of it; and he did not want to lose either.

Why?
Because he is a effing loser!

Brilliant, RCA leads to pigeonholing and since X was a loser, I was a better person and it is so much better this way. Good riddance to bad rubbish etc.

well, thinking minds are not so easy to quieted, middle of the night I am up again, if X was such a loser why did I let him go on so?

RCA at my rescue again ...

Why did I let him go on so?
because I did not see it at first.

Why ?
because I wanted to believe.

Why?
because I am an optimist, and I don't want to give up on hope.

Why?
because if hope is gone there is nothing to live for.

Why?
because I need a reason outside of me to live.

Why? because I am an effign sop who cannot live just because.

Great, so now I was in a pigeon hole too,
I stank because I was needy
And he stank because he was greedy...

What a great world, all is black!

Next morning after enough coffee to drown a child, as I was driving to work, my mind flashed back to the moment by the lake; peace, calm that was palpable, it felt good sitting silently, feeling really still inside and being able to share the beauty of the moment. That was good. And suddenly the blackness of the world lifted. It is not all bad. It never is. There is good in everyone, and believing needs you to be able to see the white despite the black.
I guess that is as close to closure I will get in this life time, and it ain't so bad.